Be Prepared For Emotions
When youre thinking of how to convince a parent to go to a nursing home, you need to be prepared for any emotions they might be going through. No one is ready to admit that they need help and theyre getting older.
Be sure to give your parents time to adjust and feel each of their emotions.
You should also be there to listen to them if they want to vent about the situation. Make sure that youre listening to their concerns as they are valid.
Include Them In Future Plans
Including your aging loved one in future plans may help motivate them to receive needed care. Even if your parent has not been diagnosed with Alzheimers disease or dementia, living with any kind of memory loss can be very difficult for seniors to deal with, or even acknowledge. Helping your elderly parents remember important dates eases anxiety for everyone.
Is there a family celebration they want to attend thats coming up, such as an anniversary, graduation, or wedding? Bring it up. Talk about it frequently. Put it on the calendar. Share the excitement.
Feel supported and prepared to discuss senior livingTalking to your loved one about senior living can feel intimidating, but our 5-step guide makes it easier. This downloadable resource can help you start an empathetic dialogue, ask important questions, and identify next steps.
Get Siblings On Board
Some of your brothers and sisters might not have the same emotional resilience as you. Thats okay. They may be in denial about your parents aging and their health. Share what youve observed and why youre concerned. While the ideal situation would be to present a united front, you might have to give them the option of participating only as much as they are comfortable doing. Invite them to tour our Tiffany Springs Senior Living community with you so they can see for themselves the enriching lifestyle we offer.
Even when the family agrees that now is the time to make a move, decide whether to make this a group or private conversation. You wouldnt want Mom or Dad to feel ambushed. Since youll probably have to talk to your parents multiple times about this topic, your siblings can choose other opportunities to broach the subject.
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Convincing Your Parents That Moving Is A Good Idea
How To Start The Conversation With Your Aging Parents About Assisted Living
Research senior living housing options
This seems like a no-brainer, but you want to be prepared for this conversation when the time comes. Knowing where to start with this can be challenging for many reasons. Try to set your emotions aside when thinking through these details about your parents future because it will only make things feel heavier and add even more stress. Think about what their needs are in terms of home care right now and future long-term care. Making a list of questions is helpful and be sure to be honest and thorough.
These are pretty basic questions to start with but you can see how important they are when it comes to collecting information and getting a good idea of their independence. This information will help you when it comes time to discuss your parents future and it will help you make it clear to them the possible services they need. Communication in serious matters like this is so important, so before you have the discussion about assisted living look into the things you need to know and give yourself time to process everything.
Keep the discussion about senior living options ongoing
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Can You Persuade Your Aging Parent Move To Assisted Living
My mother in law, Alice is 93 and has been living independently for years, since becoming a widow. We’ve been a bit worried about her for some time. We thought she’d be better off with help nearby but she was not about to let her kids tell her what to do. Gentle persuasion was met with firm resistance.
My husband, Mikol Davis, a psychologist for decades, knows well how to put things tactfully and gently to people and with Mom, he tried. “What do you think about checking out a few places where you’ll have people around you, Mom?” he asked. “And be with a bunch of old people??” she retorted. Nope, no way. 93 in her mind, you see, isn’t really old.
But with some reluctance, she did go with him to explore a few independent and assisted living communities near her home. She had been living in the big house she had shared with her husband of 62 years, in the desert, which they both enjoyed. It was lovely and the seniors’ community had every amenity. As long as you’re with a partner and can drive, it’s fine. Widowhood, though, brought many challenges she didn’t expect. Couple friends excluded her. She became isolated in the evenings as she doesn’t drive at night. Loneliness was a frequent visitor. Still she forged on, bravely adapting to living alone.
We asked her how she made the decision. Here’s a brief video of her thoughtful response. If you are trying to get an aging parent to think about moving to a seniors’ community, feel free to share this!
Show Off The Social Aspects Of It
6. Even if they won’t know anyone, you can still take your parent to watch a group having fun playing cards or wii bowling. Show off the social aspects of a good center. Keep it light and don’t force the issue. Tour more than one center, if possible, and ask your parent for input. Big center or small? New and modern or older and cozy? 7. Show interest in how much privacy a resident has. Ask about bringing furniture from home and how much room there is. Take measuring tapes and visualize, if you can see some rooms, how your parent’s room would look. Show excitement, as you would do if you were helping your parent move to a new apartment, because that’s what you are doing. 8. Stress the safety aspects. 9. Stress the fact that there’s no yard cleanup, but flowers can be tended to. There’s no need to call a plumber if the sink breaks, but there are plenty of things to do if people want. There’s plenty of freedom to be alone, but company when they desire it.
was provided courtesy of and written by Carol Bradley Bursack.is a leading website that connects people caring for elderly parents to other caregivers, personalized information, and local resources. Go to
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Dont Beat Yourself Up
Even professional family mediator Roseann Vanella of Marlton, New Jersey, has found little success in assisting her elderly parents who refuse help. Her father has dementia, and her mother has a rare blood disorder. Still, her mother insisted on taking her husband to Sicily on vacation.
I cant stop you, so at least get medical jet insurance, Vanella said. Her mother said she would.
Soon after arriving in Italy, her mothers disease flared up: She needed a blood transfusion at home. Vanellas mother admitted she never purchased the insurance, and Vanella and her brother were on the next plane to Italy.
After that, I said, Shes never going to take him to Europe , but she did, Vanella says. I told her how bad it was for my dad since his dementia had progressed.
Vanella had to fly to Italy and bring her parents back.
The hardest part is knowing something could have been averted, especially in terms of my dads dementia, but wasnt, she says. My advice is not to hit your head against the wall too hard. There isnt a lot we can do sometimes but stand by, watch closely, and be able to jump in when needed.
Treat Them Like The Adults They Are
Often, it isnt what you say, but how you say it. When you are talking to your elderly parents about moving, dont be condescending.
For example, after my moms brain tumor diagnosis, my sister started treating Mom like a five year old. True, Mom now needed a wheelchair, but her mind was still sharp. My sisters manner of speech drove Dad up a wall. Shes terminal, not in kindergarten, hed growl under his breath.
So, talk to your parents about moving in a way that honors them.
Ask questions about why they dont want to move and youll begin to see things from their perspective. Here is just a sampling of the kinds of questions you can be asking:
- Are you afraid to move?
- What would you be giving up if you move?
- Would you be more independent in the new place?
Be empathetic to their situation and listen to their concerns. Give them time to mull everything over.
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If You Are Frustrated Or Feel Helpless Be Sure To Take Care Of Yourself
Trust me, as much as you love them, elderly parents can be frustrating, especially when they dig in their heels and refuse to do something that is clearly in their best interests.
In cases like these, you can find help in a support group for caretakers of senior parents. Do an online search for forums or check for groups on Facebook.
It also helps to spend time with friends or indulge in your favorite hobby so you can get your head out of the situation with your parents.
Another way to help reduce stress is to begin a yoga or mediation practice. Bottom line: take care of yourself so you can be there for your parents .
Q: What Can You Do If Your Parent Is Resistant Or Completely Opposed To An Assisted Living Facility
Ms. Drelich: Most older people are not jumping for joy to move into assisted living. The need for it is generally a result of a loss, such as the loss of a spouse, financial or physical difficulty in maintaining the home, etc.
Therefore, one has to be sensitive to their resistance, and rather than fighting it by saying you have to do this, take the time to hear what they are saying. You may have to back off for a short while, and then gently bring it up again at another time. A trusted physician or clergy member may also be helpful in joining in the conversation about their changing needs and the benefits of relocating.
I remember one daughter who had gotten into the routine of flying down to her mother in Florida at least once a month. When the mother wound up in the ER, she finally told her mother that she was terribly worried and wanted to be able to respond quickly to these emergencies, but she shared that the frequency of these trips were affecting her work and her marriage.
Hearing this, her mother finally agreed to move back to New York into an assisted living facility, which was a short drive away from her daughters home. The positives of this became that it would be less stressful for her daughter and she would be able to see her daughter and family more often.
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Ways To Get Parents To Accept Assisted Living
For many elders, some in-home help and a personal alarm can be enough. They are able to stay in their own home for years with a relatively small amount of help. Then, a spouse dies. The survivor is now truly alone. There’s no one to get help for them should they fall and can’t set off their alarm. There are few opportunities to socialize. Meals become a chore, so they don’t eat well. Memory is failing, and the stove doesn’t get turned off. The single elder, stubbornly clinging to the idea that their familiar home is best, can often be a sad and lonely sight.
was provided courtesy of and written by Carol Bradley Bursack.is a leading website that connects people caring for elderly parents to other caregivers, personalized information, and local resources. Go to
Convincing Aging Parents To Consider Assisted Living
When it comes time for the assisted living discussion, knowing how to bring up the topic can make all the difference. Consider some of the followingtips by Carol Bradley Bursack, author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant.
For more information about assisted living communities or to learn more effective tips on how to convince your aging parents to consider a move to an assisted living community, contact the experts at TreVista Antioch. We can provide helpful knowledge to ensure a successful discussion and provide the support you need through every step with support groups, guidance and personal tours to help your parent discover the lifestyle they are missing. Contact us today to schedule your tour or RSVP to a support group.
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Research Some Places They Might Like
It certainly would not be uncommon for your elderly parent to refuse assisted living. Growing older can be very frightening and facing the possibility of losing the life youve known for decades can be overwhelming.
Keep in mind that this isnt about you. Dont look for the resort-like facility that youve imagined for your future if it isnt something that appeals to your parent.
For example, when Dad finally approved his move, we all agreed on an upscale independent senior community. However, for a man whod spent a lifetime earning a modest wage, the price of his little apartment made him very uncomfortable. Although reassured that his money would outlast him, he just couldnt get past the cost.
He was much happier when we moved him to a less ritzy, more cost-effective senior apartment the following year.
Because I listened to his concerns he was much more accepting of his new home situation and that made his last years with me truly wonderful.
Let Them Know You Love And Support Them
Although it may be the best thing for everyone involved, the decision to move to Assisted Living is a big life change. This means it can bring out a lot of mixed emotions especially when your parent may need to downsize their home. Having to go through old belongings while getting rid of others can make your parent feel the same way as someone mourning a loss. Let your parent know youre there to help them with this big transition in any way you can, even if that means potentially storing some of their things they cant seem to part with.
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Persuading An Elderly Relative To Move To Assisted Living
When you are still a child, you rarely have something to worry about: for many kids, the most important issue is how to do their homework assignment as soon as possible to finally have time to complete that super-difficult level in a computer game or chat with friends. When we are young, our relatives are young too: your father and mother look at you with their eyes bright and hair shiny, with few or no wrinkles to notice, and it seems that it is going to last forever.
However, it is not. All people get older, and there is nothing we can do about it. Being a senior is associated with not only wisdom and lots of memories to share old age brings a lot of problems: from health issues to having to handle expensive insurance, the elderly face challenges which are almost impossible to overcome alone. Yet many of them still strive to.
Ring the changes?
Some Tips on How to Help a Single Relative Move into Assisted Living
Is Hiring a Caregiver a Good Option?
Before we proceed to ways to help the one who needs help but is not of the same opinion, it is reasonable to consider half-measures which may be of use and still let your relative live alone for some more time.
Besides, it can be a challenge to find a caregiver you will trust. Are you sure the shy girl you have just interviewed is a nice candidate?
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Team Up
Look for allies
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Use Weak Points
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Last Try
Illness Does Not Mean Inferiority