What Can You Do If Your Loved One Is Resistant To Move
Residents who live in memory care can live a fuller life when assisted with personal tasks. Your loved one will benefit from a better diet, reduced stress, social interaction, better sleep, and exercise. Point out that moving into a memory care community can help them better adapt to the changes in their mental health.
Keep in mind that there may be a variety of reasons that they resist, like they dont want to feel like a burden or hassle with moving or selling their home. You may need to slowly ease them into the idea of moving. Suggest that they go on a no-strings-attached tour of a memory care community. Make sure to point out the positive aspects on the tourgreat amenities, fun activities, meeting new people, or being the center of attention.
One other idea to keep in your back pocket is a respite stay. Your parent can stay at a memory care community for a short-term visit. They may like it so much that they do not want to leave.
Its normal to resist change, so ask for assistance from their new memory care community. Engage with the care staff as you prepare for this transition. They are familiar with the challenges of a new resident, and their experience can be key in helping make a smooth transition.
Visiting Before the Move
Packing for Your Loved One
Schedule the Move-In for Their Ideal Time of Day
Meeting Caregivers & Staff
Sharing Your Loved Ones Story
Trusting Theyll Be Safe & Happy
The Emotional Toll Of Moving Your Elderly Parent To Senior Living
Be it ever so humble, theres no place like home. For most of us, the feeling is less about how large or fancy a residence is than about it being a place where we feel safe and where we have created countless memories with those closest to us. Furthermore, we fill our homes with things we enjoy and belongings that remind us of loved ones and good times.
Now, put yourself in your parents shoes. Theyve likely lived in the same home for many years, but theyre getting older and their needs are changing. Mom or Dad is having trouble getting around, needs more help with activities of daily living and could probably use some more company. You know that a move to senior living would be wise, but youre also well aware of the many obstacles that lie ahead on that path. Before jumping right in, do some soul searching and think carefully about how you plan to maintain compassion, boundaries and self-awareness throughout this transition process.
How To Talk To Your Parent About Moving To Memory Care
Memory care offers social opportunities, cognitive engagement, and an enhanced quality of life for seniors with memory loss. People with dementia receiving care from highly trained staff members report fewer symptoms and medical visits than those not receiving such care, according to a 2019 study in the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry. In addition, reliable care lowers stress and burnout for family members, the researchers note.
However, to benefit from memory care, seniors and family members must have a conversation about making the transition. Years ago, families would have a heavy-handed approach, but its different now that weve learned more about the experience of people living with memory loss, says David Troxel, former president and CEO of the California Central Coast Alzheimers Association. I encourage adult children to form a partnership with their parent. Be authentic and genuinely express your concerns.
Follow these steps to improve your chances for a good conversation.
Also Check: How To Calm Down A Dementia Person
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Anticipate Setbacks With Assisted Living
Once your parents reside in assisted living, be aware that it takes time to build a routine and adjust to their new environment. And, as they adjust, anticipate setbacks.
Its normal for your parents to want to leave assisted living or find fault with the food, the carers, and even the friends they made last week. While it can be difficult to witness, this is part of the adjustment process.
When Do I Move My Parents Into Assisted Living
When do I move my parents into assisted living? Thats a hard question to have to ask yourself but some of the signs listed above might help you find the answers you need and make the process easier. Contact us with any more questions you may have about our assisted living facilities and well be happy to help!
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Signs That Tell It Is Time To Move To An Assisted Living Facility
Caring for your elderly parent or grandparent can be very difficult and take a toll on your overall life. You may not find enough time to care for your senior amidst your job-related commitments or other duties. You may even find that having an in-house caregiver is not enough to manage the needs of your senior. In such cases, it will be a wiser choice to move your loved one to an assisted living facility.An assisted living community is not like a traditional nursing home or a retirement home. They offer many different levels of care services depending upon the specific needs of their residents. Besides, assisted living facilities also motivate residents to take part in recreational activities and socialize with others in the community. This helps to keep seniors in an assisted living facility mentally and physically active.Although it is not that easy to move your parent or grandparent to an assisted living community, it may be the best decision for your senior. Below are some signs that tell it is time to move to assisted living.
Consult Several And Varied Sources To Determine The Best Assisted Living Community
Talk to as many people as you know to learn from their experiences. Relying on a narrow range of information can lead to bad outcomes. Read senior living community reviews. Learn about your parentsstate regulatory environment, background check requirements, and appropriate agency licensing. Please take advantage of federal programs and speak to the long-term care ombudsman. Their job is to resolve issues related to safety, health, and residents rights in senior living communities. Set up a meeting with an elder law attorney as new resident contracts in assisted living communities can be confusing. Understanding the scope of an assisted living community contract is crucial to identifying what is provided and avoid unforeseen or hidden costs. An elder law attorney is best for this contract review as they will typically aspire to higher levels of professional conduct as they serve a vulnerable population.
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Q: Is There A Time When Family Members Should Begin Discussing Assisted Living Facilities As A Possible Option For Care
Ms. Drelich: I believe that when family members observe their elderly relatives are starting to slow down, it is best to have a discussion as to what options for care they might need in the future, whether it be home care, independent living, senior housing, assisted living or a nursing home.
It is important to have an honest discussion. Make sure the relative understands about the plusses of all the possible options. Often people hear things and retain wrong information. This is far better than having the discussion after or in the midst of a crisis. When the actual time for this arrives, some of the sting of the idea will be less.
An extreme example that I can share from my work goes back to a time that I directed an independent living facility. Two daughters brought their dad in to meet with us, and he seemed particularly sad. I learned this occurred a week after his wife died. Clearly this was not the best time to have the discussion! His transition was very difficult and painful, though he did eventually settle in.
They Get Sick More Often
The older you get the more likely you are to catch illnesses. The elderly population is more prone to catching the flu or a more serious infection.
This decrease in health might require more care than you or they can provide for themselves. Assisted living can help ease your worries and make sure your parents always have access to the care they need.
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Transfer Prescription Medications And Forward The Mail
If your parents have relocated, even if its in the same city, you may need to transfer their prescription medications to a pharmacy closer to their new home. This should be done quickly to avoid a lapse in medication.
While youre doing this, go online and make sure to forward mail from their old home to their new one. Yes, you can update their address with their creditors and other essential services, but its inevitable that youll forget about forwarding your moms favorite magazine or notifying your dads cousin before Christmas cards are sent out. The post office offers forwarding services for up to one year after moving, which gives you and your parents plenty of time to contact everyone without missing important mail.
Decide How Often To Visit Your Parents In Assisted Living
Because at least part of the move from independent to assisted living involves integrating into a new social environment, you need to decide early on how often you visit your parent.
The choice to visit daily or by the week is entirely yours and depends on your parents personality. Experts often recommend visiting as often as possible to normalize your parents move into assisted living.
But for some people, frequent visits can be stressful. They feel pressured to adjust to the situation faster than they think possible or take the opportunity presented by the visit to vent their frustrations at their new assisted living quarters.
Whatever you decide, the key is to be consistent. You and your parents want to establish a routine in their new assisted living situation as quickly as possible. That will help them settle in as quickly and comfortably as possible.
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Hard Truth About Moving Your Parents Into Assisted Living #: They May Not Have Enough Money
Senior living communities offer expensive services, and as a result, they cost a lot of money to live in. The median cost of a one bedroom apartment in an assisted living facility was $4,051 in 2019. Thats the national average the average cost in your area may be much higher. And unless you have very few assets or have long-term care insurance, these costs will be out of pocket. Start by figuring out whats financially possible and your options will narrow in a good way. The choices can be overwhelming in some areas of the country.
Begin In Rooms Used Least:
If your parent has lived in their home for many years, it is probably full of things they wont need after their move. But it can be emotionally challenging to part with so many treasures. One approach that might help ease them into the process of sorting and downsizing is to begin in the rooms they dont use very often.
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Visit Or Virtually Tour A Senior Living Community
No amount of time spent pouring over brochures, photos, reviews, or floor plans can substitute for a trip through an assisted living community whether in person or via video. Plan to tour at least three communities on your short-list. Additionally, we recommend that you:
- Schedule visits for you and your parent, and try to tour during mealtimes. To make sure you choose the most suitable community, you should interact with staff, meet other residents, and sample the cuisine.
- Take a wide-ranging tour to get a good feel for the environment and culture of the community. Participate in an activity, tour the available lodging options, and observe the grounds.
- Schedule follow-up visits and use our community touring checklist to ask crucial questions and take thorough notes. We suggest visiting or virtually touring a promising community more than once, if possible. Our Senior Living Advisors can help you schedule as many visits as you feel you or your loved one needs.
Feelings Of Guilt Are Normal When Moving A Parent Into Assisted Living
Many adult children feel as if they let their parents down by moving them into an assisted living community. Mom or dad may have even asked years ago that you never put them into a home, and at the time, you made the promise and/or you know families whose adult children have opened their home to their parents. You keep thinking your parents spent years caring for you, and now when they need help, you turn to strangers to provide the care they need.
Experts explain feelings of guilt are normal and moving a loved one to an assisted living community is probably one of the hardest decisions you will have to make as an adult. However, they quickly add it is important to remember they were not getting the assistance they needed at home. For their safety and wellbeing, they needed to move to a place where they would receive the proper care.
Rather than waste time thinking you have let them down, think of it as giving them a better quality of life where they can safely age in place. Experts say stop comparing yourself to others who may have made different decisions and most of all to remember people who dont help and dont understand the situation arent qualified to make judgments or accusations. Also, remember your loved one is getting older and chances are their health is not going to improve in the long-run regardless of where they are living. By getting the care they need, assisted living can offer a senior the feeling of independence.
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Q: Do You Find That There Are Some Strategies That Work Better Than Others When Explaining An Assisted Living Facility As A Care Option For An Aging Parent
Ms. Drelich: I have often found that emphasizing that living in an assisted living facility can enhance their independence and can enable them to have their needs met without having paid caregivers in their home at all times. This is a particularly good argument for older people who really want their privacy and hate having caregivers around.
If the older person was at one time more social , I might emphasize that this is a way to not be alone and to have people around to share activities and meals with once again.
If they were a homeowner, I might emphasize that this would be a great way to not have to deal with the stress of maintaining the home, including managing shoveling snow and other repairs.
Lastly, I might also explain that an assisted living facility could provide for a multitude of needs, including doctors on site, physical therapy on site, activities, meals, etc.
Protect Family Heirlooms And Antiques
Your family home is likely filled with memories and valuables that youll want to sort through before moving. If your parents are able, this task should be left to them, since they are the authority on whats most important. In many cases, elderly parents are unable to face this task or may be physically unable to do so. Talk with your parents to determine how they want to handle this delicate process, and then move forward.
Once you begin, youll want to sort items into boxes depending on what your parents want to keep. Once theyve kept the items that are most meaningful to them, work together to decide what to do with other valuables. Some families divide up the items for keepsakes among children and grandchildren. Other families opt to sell valuables to pay for their parents ongoing care in their new home. Some families may decide to do a combination of both.
If you expect to have a lot of antiques or valuables that will be included in the move, its even more critical to hire a well-trained, experienced moving company who is committed to protecting the things that are significant to you.
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Expecting It To Be Easy
As we established, change is never easy or welcome. It is also a fact that the homes that we own are representative of a lot: our lifestyle, our professional success, sense of aesthetic, pride of ownership. So you must expect at least some resistance to the idea about moving to assisted care without taking it personally. Calmly explain the many problems of looking after a large independent house and the dangers of older, frailer person living there unattended. Upkeep and maintenance of a home is difficult and expensive making elder-friendly modifications to the home and furniture even more so. Explain how continuing to live at home can be isolating and lonely and how a compact assisted living facility with help and supervision along with a community of similar, like-minded people can be safer, more enriching and enjoyable.
Hire A Moving Company To Handle The Details
While it may be tempting to handle all of the packing and moving yourself, consider hiring a full-service moving company to handle the process for you. By allowing them to pack your parents belongings and transport them to their new home, you will be freed up to help your parents adjust to their new home. Additionally, allowing experienced professionals to handle the grueling physical demands of packing and carrying boxes and heavy furniture can protect you and your parents from injury and fatigue.
We mentioned this already, but it bears repeating before you call a moving company, make sure you know when you may want to move. Knowing the date or a range of dates up front will help the moving company provide you with their most accurate estimate. If you do have some flexibility on the day, especially if you can move during the week or outside of their peak times, a moving company may be able to offer you a better rate.
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